Broken to Whole

Saw this on my journal. This is one of my moments with Him I won’t ever forget. He is the “Great I AM”. A man who listens to our pains, to our gladness. He’s always there to encourage us whenever we’re weak. I pray that who ever may read this will also be encouraged and be whole once again. May your heart be changed. Be loved His Beloved. Find a time of solace. Forgive and Forget.

April 13, 2009
2:34 am

I really cannot contain what is inside of me. Indescribable. I found myself in the middle of the night, looking for a pen and paper. There were tears that fall while writing the words my heart wanted to cry out. I heard an explosion of emotion. But no one other than me heard it. No one. I felt like I am a leaf where in no one can hear nor see it falling.

There were times that I asked myself, why am I like this? Can I be like…..or…..? Is this a feeling of insecurity or I just need to realize that I have something in me which I just couldn’t see right now. Why am I like this, I pretend I am not hurt though I really am? I tell everybody that I am not hurt though it really breaks my heart.

Things around us really can’t give us what we really want. Even the situation we are in or the people we are always with. Sometimes, it’s just our own self who can give us our desires and the feeling of contentment. In this worldly living, we are surrounded by things seen through our naked eyes. Yes. In fact, the generation we belong right now is fed up with too many kinds of technological gadgets and other things that can make our works easier than before.

Though we are in a material world, we cannot deny the fact that it is a sanctuary full of thoughts and ideas, full of hopes and victories, of righteousness and joy, love and affection. But behind those facets of life, there embed a portion of hurt, dismayed and other emotional distractions. Honestly, I’m one of those people who experienced the other side of life. Emotional challenges are simple things which interferes our concentration. The reality of life engage us to instances of experiencing senses of pain. How can we deal with those heavy emotional upset? In my case, sometimes, I tend to wish to be like somebody who has the very strength to stand in all kinds of waves. I admit I am not that courageous at times. I opt to cry alone in places where people can’t see me. I just stay in places where I can find some peace of mind.

I wanna be welcomed in a new season. A season where everything is transformed the way the Holy Spirit wants it to be. As my heart cried out, words just flow. I know it won’t be enough if I could just let my heart to be filled up. My heart needs to be where He is. I don’t want to go somewhere if He’s not there because I know that me without him is not life. I don’t want to walk the road million miles from home. That’s why I started writing the words He wanted me to realize.

—–

There are times in our life when everything we see seems so wrong, we feel brokenness, hatred and fears. There are also times where in we feel so isolated in the world we live in because there are hurts in our hearts that hinder us to be aligned to other brethren and even to God. Sometimes, all we want to do is to be alone, avoid those persons who hurt you and cry out loud.

On the other hand, hurts that are settled in the hearts will hinder us to grow, to even realize what love means and to forget how to forgive. Life’s hurts are earthly situations or emotions that test our capability to understand and forgive. These are the roots of other emotions and sins. Hurts may develop in different ways. I found out three different types of hurts:

1. Physical hurts– hurts which involve physical interaction and may include wounds and infections which can be cured by medicines. E.g. mosquito bites

2. Psychological hurts– hurts formed in our minds. These hurts sometimes occur because of our own intellectual personalities, belief and pride. E. g. insecurities and pride

3. Lastly, Emotional hurts– it comes after physical and psychological hurts. It is the most complicated kind of hurt because it can be the root of other unwanted thoughts and acts. These are the hurts derived from past and present experiences. These are the hurts developed from the hearts.

Our heart is too sensitive. We tend to focus on hurts inside our hearts. But as we magnify it, everything around us will change, even our own selves. Enduring hurts are not easy especially when it is like of a deep ocean, emotions hidden so long and caused by those people whom we really treasured.

For us to totally endure hurts, we must be led by the Holy Spirit. God’s people are the temple of God and God’s spirit lives within us. We must let His spirit move in us.

“…For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, I will be their God…” 2Corinthinans 6:16 (NIV)

 

A heart without the move of the Holy Spirit does not know how to come before the king. However, if our hearts are filled by the Holy Spirit we can easily manage hurts, especially emotional hurts; the issues of the heart. It will be turned into love and honoring. Honoring the person who hurt us is not that easy to do but if we know in ourselves that we are loved and will be continually loved, we can easily overcome emotional challenges. All we have to do is to be hungry of the love of the Father. We should not deal with our hurts for a long time. It can also help if we will just be reminded of the good memories that we have with that person and the things he/she had done that made our lives colorful and meaningful.

Physical hurts can easily be cured with the help of medicines and of supernatural healing. Yet, emotional and psychological hurts need the power of the Holy Spirit. If we pave way for the emptiness and filling of the spirit in our hearts, we will be eventually healed. We should learn that hurts, especially emotionally and psychological hurts are just matters of the heart. We should not settle our minds and our hurts in this world full of challenges for us to see His glory.

“Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy,

to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-

this is your spiritual act of worship.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve

what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

 

A sense of pain will help us to gain more wisdom and that’s the most precious thing we should always remember. Wisdom will eventually overcome every other unrighteousness together with the issues of our hearts.

“Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,

The man who gains understanding,

For she is more profitable than silver

And yields better returns than gold.” Proverbs 3:13-14

 

It really takes time for hurts to be totally healed but after the struggles, we can finally feel the freedom. Fears will be wiped away. We can even face the world with courage and all bitterness will be vanished.

Another way to move on from the hurts in our hearts is to soak in the presence of the father and ask him for a peaceful heart. We should also confront those people whom we have hurts in a way that he/ she will be blessed. We should talk to them heart to heart for hurts are issues of the heart.

 

The Bible says “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him- work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend.” Matthew 18:15

 

Being in His presence will assure us that everything will be alright. We must also know that hurts are not part of the place of remembrance; for the atmosphere you felt before will just come back. On the other hand, when we are filled by the Holy Spirit at the time we remember our hurts, we will just realize that it makes sense. We can use it to make wise and righteous decisions in life.

Forgiveness must be in our hearts and our minds. We must know how to forgive just as how our father forgives us in our sins and saves us from death. A heart who knows how to forgive can calm the storms and will eventually strengthen his/her faith. It is our faith which opens our way to be in his presence all the days of our lives and will take us to a higher level of intimacy with him.

 

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1john 3:16 NIV

Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others.

Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude.

Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you

Because of Christ. Ephesians 4:31-32 CEV

Bear with each other and forgive whatever

grievances you may have against one another.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love,

Which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:13 NIV

 

I may not express my thoughts clearly and the grammar may not be that good but I pray that everyone who will be able to read this will be enlighten; every words revealed will make sense and change our hearts in a way pleasing to others and to God. Yes, I too have to grasp the revelations with heart and ears open.

Lastly, another thing that I want to point out is that we should not pay hurts to all who hurt us because love is the key. Our heart must be a compartment of love and not of hurts.

 

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger,

brawling and slander, along with other form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

“…let us love one another for love comes from God.

Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is Love.”1John 4:7-8

 

May the Lord bless you and keep you. The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you always. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thy Name

All that I have, I thank Thy Name

All the sorrows and the pain,

All the joys and the embrace

I give You praise.

When things aren’t on my way,

I worship and thank Thy Name

‘Coz I know I won’t be put to shame

And His love will always be the same

How powerful is Thy Name!

I give Him my heart and soul

How great is Thy Name!

I want Him to be my all

THE STONING OF SORAYA M. : This is (n’t) a Love Story

First off, this isn’t a movie review. This would be more of unleashing my heart, my thoughts and the goodness and greatness of my God. I remembered a movie I watched almost 2 years ago. The moment it popped out of my mind, I got into a rush of writing a blog post for this.

I borrowed my dorm mate’s laptop and found a DVD inside its bag. The title and the front cover of the DVD caught my attention. Intrigued by the title, I sat down to prepare myself for a movie session. I was the only one left awake in our room that night. I glanced at my screen and started to watch it. It was quite mysterious and serious. Few minutes later, it trapped me in a moment I won’t ever forget. “The Stoning of Soraya M.” left me undone.

It was a story of a woman stoned to death because of his husband’s falsehood and desires.  Soraya’s husband was an ambitious man and wanted to be powerful in their place. He wanted to marry a young woman, be separated with Soraya but didn’t want to support his family and return the dowry. For her to support her children, Soraya cooked for a widowed husband. To make the story short, Soraya’s husband falsely accused her of adultery. Following their place’s tradition, her countrymen haunted her, taken her away, buried her, and stoned her to death. It was also painful to see her son stoning her to death. Zarah informed a man-slash-author of the book, who wrote the story of this real life tragedy, of Soraya’s story. Zarah courageously exposed to the journalist stranded in the place all the inhumanity of their law and the death of her niece. That time, justice wasn’t easy. The journalist with the help of Zarah was able to escape with the story and informed the whole world of that violence.

What happened to me while and after watching the movie? I wept, and wept, and wept in tears. My roommates got out of their bed because of my out loud cry. Oh, emotions. I couldn’t fight it. I felt so drained and stunned. “Poor woman”, two words that came out of my mouth.

Why are there oppressive cultural practices in the world? Why are there extreme translations of the scriptures? Why are there religious and traditional practices that lead to discrimination and inhumanity? These are questions in my mind I know would need a lot of researches and readings. But without reading a lot of books and looking for facts, I am sure of one thing, He is love. My God is love.

His word says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” – Ephesians 5:25. Love is the key word. It is a powerful word and expression that must be showed to yourself and to other people. Ephesians 5:31-32 also says, “… “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”[a] 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. God’s ways aren’t to destroy relationships, discriminate, and to devastate human dignity. He loves us higher than a mountain, deeper than the ocean, and wider than the universe. He wants us to be united with our neighbors, partners and even enemies for these are the foundation of our relationship with Him stronger beyond our thinking.

Mixed in my thought is the story of another woman whose nose and ears were hacked off by her husband. I knew of her story while looking for the latest Time Magazine that time. Aesha’s face was the cover photo of that issue. Women are supposed to be loved and be honored. After reading her shocking story, I thanked God for His love poured out to me, His amazing and wonderful love. The Bible emphasizes that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.  Love never fails… And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 &13.

Shifting the mood, imagine me writing this while watching a “wedding proposal-marriage” on television. This might be the reason why I suddenly remembered Soraya’s story. It was unusual to see a man planning and preparing for a wedding. But, this guy proved his love to his woman by mixing different ingredients like magic, love and surprises. It was like a fairytale. Her woman wasn’t informed of his plans. He just asked their close friends, coordinated with them, and kept it as a surprise to the girl, for him to set up all things needed for the day. The time finally came. He made a skit for his secret not be learned by her woman. Then, he asked the pretty lady in white dress the four magical words, “Will you marry me?.” The lady answered in tears, “Yes!.”  “Am I watching a fairytale?” I asked myself. That moment was splendid. Minutes later, the man invited the lady to a beautiful, fantastic area where the wedding would be held. You could really see happiness and excitement from their eyes and face. They were together for years; at last, they will be together, forever. That was what love’s all about. Giving out what you have, doing things out of your capacity, and loving without conditions.

Let us love, learn how to love, live with love because we are loved. Be in love. Be-loved. And know that, We are HIS beloved.

Finally, I want to share a quotable quote from one of my favorite movies: “So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day…” – Ryan Gosling, The Notebook

God’s Dreams vs. Our Dreams

Yesterday, I had this dream that made me uneasy when I woke up. In my dream, I found myself dead or better to say, I felt like I died. Then, it turned to a scene where I was talking to God. I didn’t even see His face. I didn’t ever hear His voice. It seemed like He was just there listening to my grumblings. I remembered asking Him why that unwanted thing must happen. I complained a lot. I told Him that I still have a lot of things to do on Earth; “I still have to work for my family, I should blah blah blah”. That moment was very painful to me. I still want to live, I really do. Who would want to die? Who would want their dreams and goals to be buried in a place of mourning?

Suddenly, I realized something. Why didn’t He talk to me? Why didn’t He show His face? Because He’s there listening to all my complaints, my grumblings. I forgot the fact that He is God. I forgot listening to His voice. I forgot seeking for His name. Why? It’s because I’m busy with my needs, my personal wants, stuff and desires. Yes, I’m doing things for the ministry, but I forgot doing things for Him. That moment, I wept in tears. I was then in a wrong road but He caught my attention through dreams. He values me so much that He doesn’t want me to overlook His deeds and desires for me.

I chewed on this the whole day. My heart wanted to burst while I pondered on this thought. Even the bible says, “My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.” Proverbs 2:1-5

God wanted us to listen to Him, to understand and follow His ways. He’s just up there looking at us, guiding us in our path, and providing us supernatural wisdom. He gave us ears to hear, eyes to see, hearts to feel, and minds to think. So there’s no way for us to forget Him. God wants us to always remember that He is God and He is able to do all things and give the desires of our heart. We are His sheep; He wants us to follow and commit our lives to Him. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Psalm 37:4-5

The Bible also says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you- Matthew 6:33”. He desires us to simply seek His Kingdom because whatever that is in His Kingdom; wealth, wisdom, passion, goodness and other provisions- will be added to what we have right now. As what Daddy Leif Hetland said during the TransformNations, “Abundance is at hand. You just have to do it. Love without agenda.” YES! Indeed, abundance is all around us, we just have to do the desires of God for us, listen and seek Him, do things with love and without agenda.

Thus, here I am my God! Blessed is Your name! I lay everything to You and for Your glory! Now, I am coming alive! It was great to die for a moment with God. I’ll follow Your dreams and let my dreams be laid upon Your righteousness.

Mga Awiting Para sa Lahat ng Puso

Isang umaga bigla ko na lang naisip na gusto kong maging DJ. At kung ako ay magiging DJ, eto ang nasa playlist ko:

1. Ric Segreto

Don’t Know What To Do –  “for those who are hopelessly romantic”

Don’t know what to do whenever you are near

Don’t know what to say, my heart is floating in tears

When you pass by I could fly

Every minute, every second of the day

I dream of you in the most special way

You’re beside me all the time

All the time…

2. Howie Day

Collide – “para sa mga super inlove”

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find

You and I collide

3. Casey Carlson

Every Little Thing He Does- “kanta ng mga secretly inlove” 

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

4.  Taylor Swift
Teardrops On My Guitar – “for the broken hearted”

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing
Don’t know why I do

5. Gary Valenciano

Sana Maulit Muli- “para sa mga humihingi ng isa pang pagkakataon”

Sana maulit muli
Ang mga oras nating nakaraan
Bakit nagkaganito
Naglaho na ba ang pag-ibig mo
Sana maulit muli
Sana bigyan ng pansin ang himig ko
Kahapon, bukas, ngayon
Tanging wala nang ibang mahal

6. Ariel Rivera

Getting To Know Each Other- “para sa mga nagstart pa lang mag kainlove-an”

I call you and you call me
It’s funny how we get on so easily
We’re just friends aren’t we
You’ve got yours, I’ve got mine
And friends are all we ever could be
(But) We’re getting to know each other
A little too well…

7. Moonstar88

Torete- “para sa mga nababaliw dahil sa love”

Torete, torete, torete ako

Torete, torete, torete sa ‘yo

 

8. Kamikazee

Martyr Nyebera- “para sa mga martir magmahal kahit lagi ng inaaway”

Ang almusal ay sigawan
Ang hapunan natin ay tampuhan
Ang meryenda pagdududa
Pero mahal kita,
Wala ng hahanapin pang iba
Handa kong magtiis kahit na
Away,away,away na ‘to!

 

9. Jeremiah

Kunin Mo Na Ang Lahat Sa Akin- “para sa mga inlove na kayang mawala ang lahat wag lang ang kanilang mahal”

Kunin mo na ang lahat sa akin
Wag lang ang aking mahal
Alam kong kaya mong paibigin sya
Sakin maagaw mo sya
Pakiusap ko sayo magmahal ka na lang ng iba
Kunin mo na ang lahat sa akin
Wag lang ang aking mahal
Ikamamatay ng puso ko
Pag sa aki’y inagaw mo sya

 

10. Aiza Seguerra

Para Lang Sayo- “for those who are ready to fall inlove… again”

Para sayo ako’y iibig pang muli

Dahil sayo ako’y iibig nang muli

Ang aking puso’y

Pag-ingatan mo

Dahil sa ito’y muling magmamahal sayo

Para lang sayo

Sorry

Hey! Have you felt this way?

Like as if you want to sink and move away.

Move to the farthest part of Earth

Stay there until your whole body melts.

Yes! I did something wrong.

And this will be a burden for so long.

I don’t know what to do,

All I want is to apologize to You.

I don’t know why I did that,

I don’t know why I did that.

This line keeps ringing in my ears

I don’t know how to handle this fear.

I hope this won’t cause harm

I am so sorry for what I’ve done

That will be the first and the last

I promise that this is a must.

The Man Who Can’t be Moved

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I’m not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am

Some try to hand me money, they don’t understand
I’m not broke I’m just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do
How can I move on when I’ve been in love with you

‘Cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet
And you’d see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I’m not moving
I’m not moving

Policeman says son you can’t stay here
I said there’s someone I’m waiting for if it’s a day, a month, a year
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

‘Cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet
And you see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I’m not moving
I’m not moving
I’m not moving
I’m not moving

People talk about the guy
Who’s waiting on a girl, oh whoa
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world

Maybe I’ll get famous as the man who can’t be moved
And maybe you won’t mean to but you’ll see me on the news
And you’ll come running to the corner
‘Cause you’ll know it’s just for you

I’m the man who can’t be moved
I’m the man who can’t be moved

‘Cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we meet
Oh, you see me waiting for you on a corner of the street

So I’m not moving
(‘Cause if one day you wake up, find that you’re missing me)
I’m not moving
(And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be)
I’m not moving
(Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet)
I’m not moving
(Oh, you see me waiting for you on a corner of the street)

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I’m not gonna move
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/the_script/#share

I have been caught by this song for weeks already. I was trapped with the thought of “Is there really a man who could do this? Who could that be? I want to meet him! Tell me his name; I want to give him a hand. “
The song sounds too painful. A man waiting for her girl to come back; a man willing to stay to the place of remembrance just to see her again; a man wanted to be popular not because of fame but because of love, just l.o.v.e. I guess that’s what true love really meant. Even if you’re broken, even if you’re hurt, even if you’re in so much pain, still, love will always remain. You’re willing to wait and do everything for the sake of love. Love isn’t always happiness. Love also means sacrifice. Love is giving out all that you have for the person you cherish the most.
Before writing this blog post, questions were running in my mind: “But what if, the person you love doesn’t feel the same way towards you? Is it reasonable to continue or pursue the feeling you’ve treasured for a long time? Or, is it better to end it as soon as you still can?”. Then, suddenly, two words just popped out: Forgive and Forget. Forgive when someone you love couldn’t give back the way you felt for him or her. Forget until the sobs of yesterday vanish. Well, that’s not easy. It’s a process; a battle field to conquer. Chase victory and it will be yours.
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. “ -Mother Teresa

Simple but this also makes sense. I just got some random thoughts about this. Like: Hows? What ifs? But, I chose to shut my super curious brain.

To you who might accidentally read this: “Someday, one day, you will meet someone who will value you more than how you value him or her. True Love Waits.”

Hey Evangelists!

There is an Evangelist inside all of us. We just have to realize it.  We have to acknowledge it. We have to use it. Evangelism is an important part of how a church will expand its territory. Evangelists are revivalists.

Golf

I have read a post somewhere (I couldn’t remember where I saw this) that an example of an Effective Evangelist is a great Golfer. Why? Because he uses all of his 14 clubs. The fact that I couldn’t understand why and didn’t even know how to play it, I searched for information that can help me know the reason behind that interesting idea.

Let me first share to you some facts about golf (like as if I am a rooky). According to Google, it is a ball sport that uses many types of golf clubs to hit balls into a series of holes on a golf course using the fewest number of strokes. It is one of the few ball games that do not require a standardized playing area. Instead, the game is played on golf “courses”, each of which features a unique design, although courses typically consist of either nine or 18 holes.

So, what are golf clubs? A golf club is used to hit a golf ball in a game of golf. The standard set consists of 14 golf clubs. A golfer may use all the 14 clubs made from different materials and used for different hits. However, 14 is not the minimum. They are free to use any lesser number of clubs they think will be useful.

How could be a great Golfer an example of effective evangelist? Simple, he knows how to use all the 14 clubs that are inside his bag. He knows how to make combinations using all the clubs. He knows different strategies on how a hit could be successful. He knows what kind of club he’ll use to roll the ball into the cup or the holes. An effective evangelist, just like a great golfer, knows how to make combinations that will enable to hit/ roll the ball into the holes of people’s hearts. He might have more than 14 clubs that will be very useful to win souls. The territory given for an evangelist is like a golf course; he doesn’t have a standardized area to where he can play his game, to where he can do the ways of God.

As long as we know how to win souls, as long as we have strategies and/or combinations to do God’s work and bring people into the Kingdom, we are all evangelists. One of the evangelistic strategies that we are doing in our church is Kindness Evangelism.

What is kindness evangelism? It is simply an act of winning souls by blessing others. We give out free coconut juice and street foods then we share the Gospel. Simple but these are unusual to people who felt that they’re unloved, lost and misunderstood.

So why do we have to do Kindness Evangelism? (you’re free to add up, these are from my point of view)
1. Through simple ways, it will open the hearts of the spiritually lost.
2. It will pave the way for people to see the Glory of God.
3. It will create confidence to Christians, like us, that we can change the world, make a difference and make an impact to people or nations around us.

“Kindness is a language in which the dumb can speak, the deaf can understand” C.N. Bovee

There you go, let us spread kindness evangelism! Let us take ourselves to a higher level of evangelistic deeds. You have an evangelist inside of you. Let it out!

Confessions: Proud Iska (Ng Walang Pagyayabang)

Buhay ng Isang Nangarap at Naging Iska

Ito ang dulot ng panunuod ng teleserye. Nadala ako kay Celine sa “Ina, Kapatid, Anak.” Hindi dahil sa pareho kami ng pinagdaanan, pero dahil sa kapag nanunuod ako noon ay naalala ko yung mga panahong nag-aaral pa ako sa unibersidad. Sa isang unibersidad na kung saan makikita mo ang salitang “FREEDOM” kahit saan. At isa pa, inspirado akong magsulat dahil sa “AMALAYER” na laman ngayon ng mga social networking sites.

Unang Yugto: Ang Simula ng Isang Pangarap

Bago pa lang ako magtapos sa sekundarya, alam ko na kung saan ko gustong mag-aral. Syempre! Sa pangarap kong unibersidad. Di ko malilimutan ang mga sinabi ng nanay ko, “Bakit mo ba gustong gusto dun? Dito ka na lang sa probinsya natin.  At saka, bakit wala man lang commercial sa TV ang UP?”.  Sabi ko sa kanya “Di na kasi nun kailangan ng promotion sa TV o radio. Pangarap na sya ng lahat eh.”

Nalalapit na noon ang graduation. Ilang buwan na lang. Kaya naman dumating na kami sa panahon ng pamimili ng gusto naming pasukan. Palalampasin ko pa ba to? Humingi ako ng “photocopy” ng application form sa isang kaibigan. At dahil sa Honor student ako ng mga panahong yun at priority din talaga ang UP sa paaralan, hindi ako nahirapan na asikasuhin ang lahat ng dokumentong kailangan para mag-apply sa unibersidad. Suportado kaming magka-kamag-aral ng mga guro namin basta UP ang usapan. Hanggang sa, ayun naipasa ko din. Sa wakas! Matagumpay ang unang yugto.

Ikalawang Yugto: Oras, Pagkain at Lapis

Hindi ko na maalala kung gaano katagal bago ko nakuha yung notice for examination ko. Basta ang di ko malilimutan ay kinakailangang nasa paaralan na ako kung saan kukuha ng exam ng alas-6 pa lang ng umaga. Mahirap yun sa probinsya kasi malayo kami sa kapitolyo. Ilang oras din na byahe, makailang sakay ng bus, jeep at tricycle. Pero sa isip ko, eh ano? Lahat ay hahamakin, matupad lang ang inaasam.

Pagdating ng araw ng pagsusulit, maaga kaming umalis nung kasabay ko. Madilim pa noon, malamig ang hangin, at higit sa lahat nakakaantok. Ilang oras din ang naging byahe. Sumapit din kami sa paaralan ng sakto sa oras. Diretso agad punta sa pila. Maka-ilang minuto pa ay nasa loob na ako ng kwarto. Sa sobrang kaba ata, halos di ko na maalala kung paano ako nakarating doon. Sa naalala ko nalang ay isa-isa ng binibigay ng “proctor” ang mga papel, pinahanda ang lapis at sinabi ang mga paalala. Ilang oras din yung exam. Yung katabi ko kain ng kain. Halu-halo yung nasa plastic nya: may biskwit, junkfood, at mansanas. Ako? Salamat na lang sa Skyflakes at tubig. Nakaka-ubos ng dugo yung araw na yun. Kahit gaano kahaba ang oras, parang sobrang bilis pa din. Sagot lang ng sagot. Stored knowledge, power of hula, lahat na ata nailabas ko. Dumating din sa last part, pasahan ng papel. Bahala na si Batman, Superman, lahat ng may powers  at Santo. Pakiramdam ko gumuho lahat ng pangarap ko. Oo. Nahirapan ako. Eh, sobrang nahirapan talaga ako. Kasi naman yung mga nauna kong kinuhanan ng admission test, hindi naman ganoong kahirap. Gaya ng (blah, blah, ^ insert a school name here), ito lang talaga ang pakiramdam ko ay naiwan ang kaluluwa ko sa papel at lapis na ginamit ko. 50-50 na para sa ikalawang yugto sa pag-abot ng mga pangarap.

Ikatlong Yugto: Ang Liham at Internet

Ilang buwan pa ang lumipas, unti-unti ko ng nakalimutan yung pakiramdam ng mawalan ng kaluluwa pero hindi ang aking pangarap, ang makapasok ng UP. Kahit na natatakot ako na baka hindi ako makapasok doon dahil sa sobrang hirap ng kalbaryong pinagdaanan ko. Napuno ng kaba ang puso ko ng dumating na ang mga liham sa aming paaralan. Mga liham na para sa mga estudyanteng nakapasa at di nakapasa sa UP. Ang “Admission Notice”, ayan na. Subalit wala akong nakuha. Halos gumuho ang mundo ko noon. Wala akong nakuhang liham. Hanggang sa sabi ng guro ko sa kompyuter, pumasa naman daw ako. May nakapagsabi kasi sa kanya na pwedeng makita ang resulta sa internet. Eh, yung di pa uso masyado ang internet noon sa probinsya namin. Iilan nga lang ang meron at pag may proyekto pa na kailangan ng internet ay nakikisabay na lang sa kaklaseng malapit sa computer shop sa bayan namin. Pumasa nga ako! Pero bakit wala yung pinaka-importanteng sulat? Hanggang ngayon sinisisi ko yung post office namin sa di pagdating ng sulat sa bahay dahil naipadala na daw ata ito sa iba o nawala noong binagyo ang bayan namin. Tuloy ang buhay, ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat pumasa ako. Pang beauty queen yung peg. Yung mga guro namin, sobrang saya para sa aming mga nakapasa. Uso pa yung tarpaulin sa paaralan kung saan may pangalan ng lahat ng UPCAT passer. Cheers para sa pagbukas ng malaking pintuan patungo sa isang pangarap.

Ikatlong Yugto: TOFI

Hindi naman kami mayaman. Parang coke, sakto lang. Nakakakain, nakakapag-aral, nakakabili ng damit, sakto lang talaga. Unti-unting lumabo ang mga pangarap ko nung nabalitaan ko na tumaas ang tuition fee. Halos 1,000 per unit depende pa sa income ng mga magulang mo. Syempre, “amazona” ako pagdating sa kagusthang makapasok sa paaralang matagal ko ng inaasam. Sinubukan ko yung STFAP. Pagod, pawis at dasal ang naging super powers ko nang mga panahong yun. Andami nilang hinihinging requirements. Pati bilang at taon ng aming telebisyon, refrigerator, at iba pang kasangkapang bahay. Nakakapagod. Sa huli, naipasa ko din naman lahat ng kailangan. Pero, napagod na din ang mga magulang ko. Ako din siguro kaya nakumbinsi nila ako ng mag-enrol na sa isa pang eskwelahan na pumasa ako. Noong oras ng enrolment, di talaga ako mapalagay. Iniisip ko pa din ang STFAP. Sana may resulta na, yung tipong Bracket D or E man lang ako. Ngunit ng oras na yun, ang katotohanan, ay wala pa man lang resulta ang STFAP. “Kaya sige, mag-eenrol na nga ako dito (sa ikalawang paaralan)”, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Mas mababa kasi ang tuition dun kumpara sa UP. Halos nasa kalahati na din ako ng enrolment sa paaralang yun. Nag-physical examination na din ako. Pero sa totoo lang di ko yun sineryoso. Ewan ko ba. UP talaga ang nasa isip ko. Kaya naman nung urinary exam, (pasintabi po) nilagyan ko ng tubig yung bote ng ihi ko. Sabi kasi ng nurse, punuin ko daw yung bote. Subalit, di naman ako mala-baka para mapuno ang ganoong kalaking bote. Kaya, ayun tinubigan ko mula sa gripo ng CR. Hanggang ngayon di ko alam kung anong naging resulta noon.

Noong interview portion, sobrang nagpaka-totoo lang ako. Tinanong ko yung head ng Chem Eng Dept. (Chem. Eng yung course ko sana sa paaralang yun) kung pwede kaya na ireserve sa akin yung slot ko at di muna ako magbabayad kasi may hinihintay pa akong resulta kung itutuloy ko ang UP. Kinapalan ko na ang mukha ko para masabi ang lahat ng yun. Ang daming pinagdaan ng katapangan kong yun. Pinagawa nila ako ng sulat at iba pa. Desperado ako, kaya ginawa ko kahit medyo madaming tinrabaho. Nagulat yung magulang ko pag-uwi sa bahay. Wala naman silang magawa kasi nagawa ko na ang gusto kong gawin.

Ilang lingo ang nakaraan, wala pa ding resulta ang STFAP nung tumawag ako sa kanila. Nag-back out na din yung 2 kong kamag-aaral na pumasa sa UPCAT. Mahirap ang buhay sa probinsya kaya gustuhin man nilang makapasok , wala na lang silang nagawa. Hanggang sa dumating sa huling araw ng enrolment sa UP. Gabi bago ng araw na yun, nagdesisyon ako sa sarili ko na wag na lang ding tumuloy. Napaiyak na lang ako sa higaan ko. Kinabukasan, kakagising ko lang ng bigla ko lang naisipan at sabihin sa nanay ko na subukan naming pumunta sa UP. Baka sakali lang na makapag-enrol ako. Baka, kalabaw, kambing, bahala na lang uli ang lahat ng may super powers.

Napa-oo ko yung nanay ko na samahan ako. Trivia: ang dala lang naming pera noon ay P 1,000.00. Sa isip isp ko, paano naman ako makakapag-enrol na yun lang ang dala namin, tapos 1,000 pa per unit. Nabawasan pa yun ng pamasahe. Nagbaon na lang kami ng nanay ko ng pagkain para di na kami gumastos pa. Pero, sige lang. Hindi ko alam kung anong ispiritu ang meron sa akin ng mga panahong yun at ganun na lang ako kadeterminado kahit lahat ng bagay ay taliwas sa kung ano ang dapat at ano lang ang meron.

Habang paakyat kami ng nanay ko ng SU Building, dasal na lang din yung binitbit ko at syempre lahat ng super powers ng lahat ng kailala kong super hero. Bahala na sina Batman, Superman, Wonder woman at lahat ng miyembro justice league.   Tinanong ko yung tao sa kabila ng salamin kung may resulta na ang STFAP. Sinabi ko ang buong pangalan ko habang medyo nanginginig pa ang boses. Matagala tagal nya din hinanap. Nanghihina na ako habang pinapanuod ko yung mga Isko at Iska na may hawak na ng kulay puting papel kung saan nakasulat yung schedule nila. Biglang tinawag na ng tao sa kabila ng salamin ang pangalan ko. Pakiramdam ko umakyat sa utak ko yung dugo ko ng marinig ko ang “Bracket E ka”. Gusto kong maiyak, tumalon, hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong gawin. Para akong nanalo sa lotto. At ayun, si nanay suporta lang.

Ikaapat na Yugto: Ang Hubad na Pagsusulit

Dumeretso agad kami ng Registrar para simulan na ang isang masayang araw. May mga binigay sila sa akin. Kasama na yung pagpapaalala ng pagpunta sa “Infirmary”, yung University Health Service pala yun. Dahil sa assumera ako na mag-UP talaga ako, may dala akong X-ray result at iba pang mga papeles na kailangan para makapag-enrol. Napagod kami ng nanay ko pag-akyat ng bundok, este ng Infirmary. Ang haba ng pila. Medyo tiis lang. Nakapasok din ako sa kwarto kung saan may puting higaan at may babaeng nakaputi. Sabi ng babaeng nakaputi “ok dear. Hubad. Pakitanggal na lang lahat.” Akala ko nabingi lang ako kaya pinaulit ko, “Lahat po?”. “Oo, lahat”, sabi nya. Gusto ko na lang tumakbo palabas. Ano nga daw yung pinapagawa nya? Shocks! Pero naisip kong muli ang salitang UP. Kaya’t ayun, naging biglang isang masunuring tupa ang amazona. At nangyari ang dapat mangyari.  Welcome sa physical exam sa UP!

Isang nakakapagod na araw. Pero isa sa pinaka hindi ko makakalimutan. Gabi na din kami halos nakauwi. Sa wakas! Totoo na ang dati’y pinapangarap ko lamang.

Ikalimang Yugto: First Day High

Linggo ng hapon, kasama ko ang tatay ko pagpunta sa dorm. Hinatid nya ako sa bagong bahay ko. Ito na ang simula ng lahat. Nakakakaba, pero masaya sa pakiramdam. Doon ay nakilala ko ang mga kasama ko sa kwarto. Masaya ang buhay dormer. Saka ko na lang isusulat ang tungkol dito. Dahil baka maging nobela ito.

Maraming salamat sa mga upper class men na nakasama ko sa dorm. Hindi ako na biktima ng TBA, pagtayo kapag tinawag ng guro at ng kung anu-ano pang UP trip. Pero minsan iniisip ko, sana man lang may naranasan ako para mas masabi kong kumpleto talaga ang kolehiyo ko. Sa UP ko din naranasan na sa kalagitnaan ng klase ay biglang may mga sisigaw. Hayun! May rally pala! “Tunay! Palaban! Makabayan!”, paulit-ulit, paulit-ulit .

Matagal- tagal din ang oras na ipinila ko para makuha ang pinakaaasam asam kong UP Class card pati Form 5. Pero ayos lang, dahil masarap naman sa pakiramdam kapag nahawakan mo na ang mga ito. Tanggal lahat.  Wala ding papantay sa pakiramdam ng makuha ko ang aking ID. Totoo na to at hindi panaginip ang lahat.

Ika-anim na Yugto: Pagsubok at Tagumpay

Akala ko mahirap na ang makapasok sa UP. Totoo din pala ang sabi nila na mas mahirap makalabas. Oo. Sa sobrang hirap, akala ko di na ako makakalabas. Doon ko naranasan yung mag-exam ng walang tulog dahil sa sobrang dami ng dapat ipasa, basahin at aralin. Minsan sobrang nag-aral naman, pero wala pa din. Para bang sa kung saan hinuhugot yung mga tanong. Sobrang sakit din sa puso na bumagsak sa mga exams na nag-aral ka naman, pero ewan. Ganun na ata talaga. Hindi ata exam ang tawag dun. Kung ano man, yan ang di ko alam hanggang ngayon.

Madami akong mga nakilala na naging parte ng kung sino din ako ngayon. Nagpapasalamat ako sa mga naging guro ko. Kahit na sobrang hirap ng naging buhay ko sa kanila, madami akong natutunan. Salamat po ha, nahirapan ako pero binuhay nyo ang katawang tao ko.

Ilang taon din ang lumipas, nabigay din sa akin ang pinakakaasam asam kong diploma. Maraming salamat sa unibersidad na nagturo sa akin ng mga aral na di ko lang makikita sa apat na sulok ng kwarto.

PS: At para kay ateng AMALAYER, may parte sa akin na sana UP ka nga para masabi kong may pinag-aralan ka nga. Pero sana hindi ka din isang ISKA, kasi hindi ganyan magyabang ang isang Iska. Mayabang at palaban ang mga taga-UP, subalit hindi sa paraang alam mo. Yun lang. – From 200?-1?5?4

TO OUR GOD

by Bethel Live

Up from the ashes your love has brought us
Out of the darkness into the light Lifting our sorrows
Bearing our burdens healing our hearts

Chorus: To our god we lift up one voice
To our God we lift up one song
To our God we lift up one voice
Singing hallelujah

Chains have been broken eyes have been opened
An army of dry bones is starting rise
Death is defeated
We are victorious for you are alive Hallelujah hallelujah (repeat)

Bridge:
We’ll make His praise glorious glorious glorious
For His name is glorious glorious glorious
Make His praise glorious glorious glorious Shout His name glorious glorious glorious

Source: http://www.lyricstunnel.com/lyrics/b/Bethel-Live/To-Our-God.html

Just want to share you the song that messed me up today (11/11/12). I honor You my God. God gave me a lot of surprises today. Fabulous! We are now conquering the city. More for the days ahead. I am so proud that I am a daughter and a princess of the King.

Our God is really, really, really BIG. He is more than what we imagine. Inspired and blessed beyond measure.
God bless us all!

I am #ProudIskaandaPrincessoftheKing